Wednesday, October 31, 2012

All Hallow's Eve

And I mean to enjoy every minute of it. There is nothing like dressing up as your favorite dark shadow to start the holiday season...The candy has been bought, the Harry Potter movie is in the DVD player, and I am not taking my anti-Evil pill today.

I am still have horrible nightmares, but for today at least, it's quite apropos. And I have woken up at this dawn of the dead time of morning. Yes, I am all set for Halloween.

Also appropriate for the season, I see the dentist today, but I also have a therapy appointment this afternoon to even it out. For once I have been keeping track with my mood calendar, which will thrill my therapist to no end. Pain really will drive us to do things we couldn't ordinarily do.

I have been having dreams and reactions to stress as if to say: "I am less than. I am worth less than any other person you can point to." Which is certainly not true. I KNOW the opposite is true, but can't feel it at the moment. That, ladies and gents, is borderline personality disorder.

If you meet me, I certainly put on a good face. I talked to a friend last night, very intelligent, who knows all of my story for the most part, who doesn't seem to understand why I would have any trouble looking for a job right now. Although she knows of my trauma, and the fact of my being attacked on the job, I SEEM ok, can be a truly lonely feeling having invisible disabilities. Just trying to acclimate myself to the idea of a job has triggered some terrible trauma feelings this past week, and trying to actually find a job is going to be an uphill battle. Then there will be relapses.

Sufficient unto the day is the Evil therein. And I suggest, just between you and I, that you skip your anti-Evil pill this morning as well. Don't let the world get you down.

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