Saturday, October 20, 2012

This Day

As cold as it is this morning, I have left the window open for the cats. Apparently, Minkins had something going on in the litterbox last night and really needs to go out. I hope you aren't eating breakfast, by the way...

I have been suffering under some unpleasant emotions lately, triggered by this or that, it doesn't take much sometime. But dealing with a tempest in a teapot can make you weary, and these are the days I want to enjoy. Right now, I see the whole of my job to make this the most active and most pleasant of winters that I can. So if I seem more isolated or withdrawn in my blogs, I am simply retreating inward, gathering strength. I would like nothing better than to write of my own outdoors all day long, but my disabilities intrude themselves everyday into my life, sometimes in the smallest of ways.

 I don't know where all this is going, but I have been as honest with you as I can, and would like to remain so. My greatest fear now is that my mind has trained my body so well, that it takes very little brain power to trigger physical illness or reaction, and from then on, the body drags the mind along for the fun. It's a vicious circle that my therapy is trying to break. But when my paranoia extends to my therapist, it just makes the whole process that much harder.

Today I just had to talk about that to let it go. Sharing what my mind does to me makes the grief of it that much shorter. And my friends suffer from my paranoia as well...the best of them have felt the horror that comes over me when my body responds to the mind's illness.

Enough, already. I am reacting and worrying, really, over nothing.  I am lucky, I know, to have as many friends of quality as I have. And I am grateful, more than I can tell you, at YOUR participation in all of this. I am so touched to meet any of you who read my blog and let me begin my day with you.

And it does look to be another fine day. I am sitting here quietly with my dog, watching the morning fog dissipate to show the colors of the day ahead. I am so very grateful to live where I do, when I do. And, no matter what happens on any particular day, at this time of year, I never forget to look out of the window...

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