My dear friends,
Please don't take my lack of posting a lack of interest in me for you. I have moved, fallen in love, tasted freedom for the first time in my life, all in the last 3 months. I have resisted chocolate, eaten chocolate, celebrated the holidays, gone through all of my possessions with a fine tooth comb. I have bought presents, baked treats, cooked meals, picked out a refrigerator and a stove. I have sifted through all the red ribbon in Wal-mart. I have watched Game of Thrones, Star Trek, The Grinch That Stole Christmas. I have panicked, cried, been joyful, surrendered, felt despair, grasped at hope.
I have walked into the wind, an hour after dawn, and felt the sun bath my face in this cold time of year. I live in the mountains, and somehow, the wind does not seem to have ceased this year. I have left the Christmas tree lights on, overnight, to ensure Christmas the year round, as tradition states.
And so, on this first day of the new year, it does not surprise me that I feel a tiny wobble in the orbit, a small anxiety of what my life will see this year. I do not mean for this to be a message without hope. There has only been one time in my life without hope, and I managed to live through it, through no will of my own. I can only credit the Presence with that happening.
I am in no mental shape to write this blog this morning. I do not fear the holidays, but the end of them. I fear the season of darkness coming. I fear the winter's dark without light. I think the Christmas tree will stay up until March.
Later: This is an update that I am glad to make. Although I have been under the weather since October, I am happy to be in a new place, with my babies, and relatively healthy.
Just remember, boys and girls: don't write your blog before food and your meds kick in...