Tuesday, September 24, 2013


I had forgotten how fun it is for kittens to run across the laptop keyboard and bat at the scrolling pictures on the screen. I had forgotten that kittens, in their dance, know all the keys to really screw the laptop up, so that it is frozen, until only God and Toshiba know how to use it.

Until this morning.

The poetry reading went well, last night. It will be on YouTube sooner or later, and I will post the link. Afterwords, safely at home, I dissolved a bit into tears; sometimes pressure leaks out everywhere. And I have some stresses in life, as we all do, that I don't handle very well, sometimes...see the definition of borderline personality disorder, and then throw that out and chalk it all up to being human.

I miss my borderline therapy group, more than I can say. I didn't realize that, after this one year, how hard it will be to go without it. I miss my herd. I miss the quirks of others diagnosed like me, that seem to be perfectly normal, in that room, in its time.

It's that time of the morning, when dawn is a dream, and bears roam the woods. It is dark and the grass is wet. The unicorn meat eating cats all run away now, when I open the window, to escape the star that has fallen among us. Silverlock is a 'busy, little beaver' and pivots from point to point, like a pinball.

I did some binge eating last night, to excess, out of sheer strain and wake today with an aching tummy. I resolve again, not to do that tonight...I have no earthly desire to drink or cut. But some leftover, forgotten scar compels me to eat in my sleep. I am told this is common, but I have only done it for the last 3 years. Sometime when my Mother was sick, I started staying up at night, and eating bad things, and drinking coffee.

I have managed to interject some healthy components into this habit, but it does remain unwise to sleep as I do, and caffeine-ate as I do. I will say that yesterday was pretty peaceful, emotionally and mentally, until last night. I see my shrink today, and hope he will not put me back on a medication that causes me to gain weight, anymore. I think it's a hint to humans: all the best drugs come with some life-altering side effects. The anti-depressants dampen the sex drive, the anti-psychotics cause one to overeat.

I have forgotten how lovely Fall is, until I heard its poetry, last night. This is a time of changes and new adventures for more than the kitten in my care. It's a time for me, and those around me, to grow. It is a time to expand, and leave my tiny apartment for the change in weather. It's a time for the mountains to leap out of the earth, and change color, and wave. Time for Tinker Creek to get dark, with the oyster shells that turn black in the winter.

It's the time of year when the orange tabby grows fat, and sleeps later, on the bedspread with the summer roses.

No comments:

Post a Comment