This is an ordinary post for an ordinary day. Chaos rules my everyday life, but I am using all the power of my AA program and dbt (dialectical behavioral therapy) to calm the waves. A vodka martini doesn't even sound or feel tempting now, although I did specify, didn't I? My three meditations in the morning are: 1) My life is chaos and I have no control over events. 2) Came to believe that some higher power can bring order to the chaos; can help me make sense of it and pull serenity from it. 3) Decided that seeking for spiritual answers and being of maximum service to others, can bring about No. 2).
In other news, the cats were stuck inside all day yesterday and they ate, and pooped, and howled, apparently. I know they howled because the paint was peeling on the walls surrounding the door. Max, as always, was a good boy, and an asshole. I am sure he chased the cats a bit, just for fun, in a playful way, but he missed me so that he didn't eat his food.
This morning, however, is peaceful. My water and my coffee, a special blend, tastes very good. I am lucky to have them, and a safe place to stay. The cats visit me now and again, as they rest from the play outside. A new weather pattern has come through, and this morning, the temperatures are already at the day time high: low 70F.
There are flowers beside me, and around the apartment, gifts from a friend. I have strawberry yogurt and strawberries for breakfast. It's only a matter of time before Max begs to go out. Until then, I listen to NPR (National Public Radio) and pull myself together for the day.
My lack of Abilify has not brought out any paranoia, or racing thoughts of abandonment. I am profoundly grateful. I like the therapist standing in for my regular; I had a session with her, yesterday. Going over my past did not seem as painful as I had thought it would be.
I have things to do, today, which makes me happy. I have a real date with a real guy, instead of a date with Alan Rickman in a movie. I know, I thought I could sneak that one past you, but I bet you noticed...
My binging slows as the Abilify leaves my body. My friends love me and I have 4 of the world's best animals. The star quilt is on the bed. Did I tell you the coffee tastes good this morning?