My level of stress reached its inevitable conclusion yesterday, in the form of pleurisy, a lung infection.
One of my Halloween pumpkins was starting to turn bad, so I put it on top of the trashcan, within easy reach. In return, the bear sent me a dream.
I was in the Old House, in Botetourt. Every cat I have ever loved was with me, and it was wintertime. The time I love best, at my old home. Where I could wake and see the distant mountains, at Eagle Rock, and the lovely winter field, below the house. The paths of the deer and the turkey wandered through the trees, whose trunks stood in relief against the sun. The field was gold, where the sun lighted, and the evergreen forest stood at the edges.
So, with every cat around me, I looked down into the woods, and saw a sawed trunk of a large tree. 3 bear cubs gathered at the trunk, as if it were a table, and one human child. The bear had borne a human. And I know it was me, by the auburn hair and curls.
I woke this morning very peaceful, although the trashcan is turned over, and the air turns cold. The winter kitten runs through the house.
Usually, my worst nightmares consist of very teeny cats, the size of kittens, who run everywhere and urgently need to be protected. In my dreams, I cannot protect them all. But in this dream, the cats are cat-sized, and they are companions, who run free at last. All my cats who are over the Rainbow Bridge were there, and ran circles around me, as now, the bear walks circles around the house I live in.
The bear was telling me, in last night's dream, that all my cats live with me still. The bear is enfolding us for the winter. The winter kitten now has a bear spirit to protect her, for life, wherever she may go.
I know this blog post can't give you the feelings the bear left me with. And it is a bit confusing, maybe. But, in my own way, I want to give back to the bear the comfort and love she left me with. My life has been up and down, lately. I have neglected this time with you. I have found a great love, and I have been ill. I have not drank nor cut, and have no desire for them.
But I come back to this beginning: writing. I rededicate my life to my sobriety and my well being. I dedicate myself in this most uncertain times, to the certain things that I love: the cats, my dog and my Love.
What do you dedicate to the bear, today?