It's not usually when I write, I know. I think yoga woke me up this morning, and I have been caught in a whirlwind of a day.
I'm the kind of person who gains a lot of 'water weight.' Who knew ice cream had so much water in it?
Woken up at 1 AM by a 'friend' who called to say he had been admitted to the hospital again for drinking. As a person in recovery, I am used to this kind of call, but it was particularly irksome to the cats, because they had just gotten to sleep two hours before. So now it is 3 AM again and I am blogging again.
I have decided to gain 15 pounds and grow a double chin for my 30th high school reunion. Why let everyone else have the fun of being thought older and wiser?
Speaking of my friend...let's call him "Mike". I only take his phone calls because it reminds me of the joy of drinking at 3 AM. I loved crawling around on the floor throwing up and drinking more until I could hold something down. I always hid the liquor, even though I lived alone. Waking up beside the toilet was like a vacation. And I looked like a movie star! Ernest Borgnine...may he rest in peace already. This was all the fun parts of drinking; the unfun parts were worse. Like jail. Being committed. Divorce. Losing all my friends, my dignity, a car, a dog. Going into eternal debt for treatment. Although I did have fun there...
I traded all that fun for a chance to watch the universe unfold it's magic. The coincidences that aren't, the new friends who love me just as I am, the chance to live: not materially successful (although I have had that), but spiritually successful. I love trying to further my connection to a higher power everyday. Things of the material world can pale beside the world of the mind and spirit.
I find that I use to long to live in a Harry Potter world, and now I do exist in one, not of human making, but of something much bigger than all of us.
I realize it's usually a career killer to talk about all this, just as it embarrasses people when I mention my sexual assaults. But some elephants need to be talked about before tea is served at the dog end of the afternoon.
