Monday, February 24, 2014

The Rebirth of Swing

Today is gloriously sunny but with that Spring nip in the air. The wind is up, and the windows, and the electric wires outside sing with it. All of the animals sleep this morning, as if hibernating. The coffee was good, but I drink less and less of it. I blame it on my changing chemistry, in this year of turning 50.

Today is spaghetti day; I make my own sauce, and it is an event. It will cook on the stove all day, and tonight, I will make angel hair pasta for it. I have lettuce for salad, and garlic bread will be good, as always.

I read at Liminal:An Alternative Artspace tonight. It's a rather dark poem I will read, according to the man I love. But it's one of my favorites...

The man I love bought me a large child's bear last night, for company when he isn't here. The animals accepted the creature into the bed, his permanent home. I might call him Albert. I am still using the electric blanket at night assures me of the company of all the animals while I sleep. It can be very comforting.

My moods are on the upturn. It has been 3 weeks since I stopped taking the mood stabilizer I was on. The side effect of constant heartburn pushed me into it. I have not been this drug free in 20 years. We will see what we will see. I realize it could be a part of insanity to not want to take my meds anymore. It is typical for those who are bipolar. It's all well and good to think, "Well, I feel good now, maybe I don't need my medications anymore." And then sometime or other, eventually, the bottom will rush up to meet me, and I won't be able to get to my shrink fast enough.

But I live in extraordinary circumstances now. I have never had an apartment of my own. And Spring is right around the bend. I am in menopause. I want to see how my disorders will act. Mental disabilities are said to become lighter as we age. I feel that this year, as I turn 50, I need to see my disorders to be able to treat them properly. Up to this point, my treatment is the same as it was when I was 32.

It's time to change.

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