Groups of Me

I have group today for Borderline Personality disorder. It will be the first time this year I have gone; it was one of the weekly events I let go when I moved. It will be good to go back.

It is cold today, with a wind that is typical in Spring for this small valley. My allergies tell me that something is in bloom, somewhere. Warm one day, and cold the next, I can smell Spring in the air. This time last year, I could walk outside without too much trouble. This year, as cold as it has seemed, makes almost every outing a battle. It is supposedly, the fourth warmest January on record. It has not seemed that way to me, here.

I am keeping my Christmas tree up. I like the ornaments and the memories they carry, and I like the soft glow of the lights at night time. It is not much different than having a fake plant in the living room, other than it is very much more lovely than any 'fake' plant. I always go in for having live plants around the house, by the way. I love plants inside. They make a room alive in a way that no other decorations can. But I have a jar of fake yellow flowers on top of the refrigerator, as I believe no other room requires a jar of flowers than a kitchen, year round.

They look like wind flowers, yellow and blowy, poised to ruffle in the breeze. They look as if I picked them from the roadside, on some long ago highway. They look like a memory of a great-Aunt's table in Raleigh.

Of course, I will take down the Christmas wreath and put up the wreath with lilac blossoms in it, that I always put up in Spring, as my Mother did. I will put up the things under the tree, the blanket, and the basket of colorful Christmas balls that my sister-in-law gave me.

The man I love made a house for the unicorn meat eating cats last night, from a Dell computer box. They leaped in and out of it, when it was just a box in the kitchen. But now that it has been modified for them, by sealing the top and bottom and cutting holes in either side, they wouldn't touch it with the proverbial 10 foot spoon. I can see that I will have to resort to catnip to entice them to enter. And maybe, a cushion or two.

The cars are busy below the windows, and the tree stands in the distance, brown against the stormy sky. Angry gray clouds move against a blue and white sky. I feel the need to plant a tree or two, and to walk where tulip trees bloom. I know Tinker Creek runs black now, where the moss will make it green, later. Max, the dog, deserves to be walked properly, along the banks of Tinker Creek, where I walked Eddie for so long.

I tolerate coffee and cold much less now than any other time in my life. It's the caffeine, and the delicious coffee oil, and my breathing that causes the trouble, to be exact. But I will hold onto my coffee as long as I can. The smoking may have to be stopped this summer.

Time to get some housework done before my group. And, out of that vat of spaghetti I made yesterday, I gave 5 batches away. And that's the fun of making spaghetti sauce yourself...