Until Now

It's 3 AM, and the unicorn meat eating cats are awake and leap in and out of the window with enthusiasm. I opened the window and it's good to feel wanted. The dog, Max, is adorable and refuses to wake with the cats and I.

He has his priorities straight.

But he's not bipolar and doesn't flip his day and night. I am jealous that he doesn't have to take something to help him sleep.

The crickets outside sound lively and familiar. They remind me of quiet summer evenings as a child. Smelling the fresh cut grass, and watching the sun slowly fade. I cut the grass yesterday, and it is a communication with the earth that I love. To smell the cut grass, and make it uniform, makes my Saturdays complete.

Then there are the Rose of Sharon to trim. They are starting to bloom, pink blooms and white blossoms, with burgundy centers. The blackberries are gone, but peaches and nectarines, and plums are in, and I eat them when I can.

I hope today will be quiet. I have few plans, other than weeding and trimming the bushes, and spending time with my flowers. After an emotional storm, I feel unusually well. Not that I recommend having a crisis...which is very bad for those of us with borderline personality disorder.

I want to be out there in the dark, cutting the spent blooms on the daisies, and the dahlia. All of the containers need water, now that it doesn't rain so much. But I will be patient until dawn, and no longer. The pond truly is a pond now, and will not be cleaned this year. But the frogs sounding in the early night have an echo that I love.

When I was very ill with psychosis, and walked the campus at Hollins University at nighttime, I used to dance along Tinker Creek, by the light of the moon. With my service animal, my beloved Eddie, I could dance in the dark of the moon, as well. I feel it is a night to dance in the dark, to the sound of the crickets. It is even too early for birdsong, but they will wake in a bit.

The gladiolas are almost spent, and the hydrangea needs trimming. The impatiens, light pink, dark pink and white, fill the corner by my doorway. There is a call for rain, today, and it will be welcome. I love the water coming from the sky, and the thunder and lightening.

As my sponsor tells me, I need to be more patient. But now, the flowers call to me, and the crickets and the dark. It's time.