Monsoon Season

Ok. Short and sweet is my goal today...let's see. I stepped out a bit ago, to take the dog, Max, out. It isn't raining, for a moment, but the trees are. Some random breeze shakes the rain down, only in the forest.

I talked to my shrink the other day, about my weight. My psychotropic meds put weight on, and on and on. Of course, not eating the ice cream would help me lose, but sometimes the Abilify whispers in my ear...and other things.

There was a year in my family's time together, that my brother and I went hungry. I was in the sixth grade, 13 years of age. Mom and Dad, I suppose, simply had too much to deal with, to think about food. At this distance, I don't like to guess. Anyway, fast forward to today: I wake up from an unremembered dream and find myself eating, frantically, usually sugary things. Or, I wake up eating in my sleep. Or I wake with food in my mouth and no recollection of eating. I feel driven to eat at night time, when whatever dream it is, plagues me.

It frightens me that I cannot remember the dream. But this morning is not the day for fright. It's the Fourth of July, my country's birthday, and I am, despite the police state we are turning into, proud and happy to live here.

The birds wildly sing outside of the window, and the breeze continues to move the trees. Someday, there will be sunlight. Although I am not as depressed as some about this rain. My apartment hasn't flooded, yet, and I love the rain. Days of unrelenting sunlight depress me. I like variety in everything, even the weather. But it looks as if the sun is rising, too. The day is remarkably light outside, in a very odd, watery way.

And there have been no bugs flying about in these days of rain. No mosquitoes, no biting things. No fleas yet this year...It is enough light outside that it looks odd. I went to look out of the window, and spotted some sky, in the distance. We in the South are known for our crawly, biting critters. Critters? That's a Southerner's word for varmint. Creatures.

My day starts happily, despite the Dream. We are all frightened by the unknown. The rain starts again.