The moon is full, from where it hides behind the clouds. I saw it for a moment, out with the dog. It has been so long since we have had a cloudless night, I have forgotten what the moon looks like. It is full and clear and silver, water colored.
Made my AA meeting yesterday, it's my home group, you know. And I didn't have to explain the marks on my arm to anyone, except my sponsor. She is a top-drawer, spotless, rock of a woman, who enjoys cats and my writing. I don't know why...I am just grateful she shares how human she is with me. Together, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.*
My life is unmanageable in so many ways: I cannot control others' reactions or actions, I can't control outside events, or the weather, or my cats. Control is an illusion, that only applies to our own happiness and our own actions. Otherwise, life is like a cat on a keyboard: it's there, and if you can touch-type and see the screen, you win.
It is a warm, still, muggy night, and looks to be the same kind of day. Georgia has settled into a routine of love and play, while the boys are out, in these early morning hours. She plays at the edge of the laptop. The coffee tastes good to me, and the water. The flowers have become intensely vigorous in this season, especially the begonia, with it's red tipped leaves, and orangey flowers. The dahlia looks to be growing, but does not flower now. Some last of the season tomatoes are on the vine, lost in the weeds that have taken over the tomato plants, this year of many cloudy days. No one in this valley has grown good tomatoes this year...they like more sunlight, like the daisies.
The field is soft with the moonlight. Do you think anyone would laugh if they saw me dancing there?