Christmas Tree

I didn't know it required full body armor to deal with a cedar tree. My mistake. My brother and I four-wheeled through his woods on Thanksgiving looking for a Christmas tree for Sissie (me). For the non-Americans among us, "four-wheelin'" is a verb in the southern part of the USA. It means to ride in a vehicle (jeep or truck, usually) where the suspension of the wheels is elevated to the level so as to pass over any small obstacles in it's path...fallen logs, deer, rivers, etc. You are a redneck if, the suspension on your vehicle is so high, it is considered dangerous (not legal) to drive on a street. Your street cred is also higher, as this is a superfluous vehicle for you and your family, the extra car.

Of course, my brother has a large economic drain called a "child"...he can't afford for his four-wheeler to be illegal on the street. I just hunch down in the seat when we ride around...why should my street cred suffer? However, the morning after picking my tree and hauling it home, I woke up looking as if I had done four rounds with Pinocchio; blisters, slivers and little bits of green were bodily attached TO ME!

Fa la la.