Smile Forever

I am busy nurturing myself...I have let myself go since I was attacked in January. But it's a new day, and I have a new therapist. Love her!

I have 2 tiny fosters, Momma and baby, Ruby and Minkins, to adopt out for Smiles Forever Animal Rescue...Pictures to follow.

Ruby is about 2, but small. Solid black with a white star on her chest. Minkins is a delightful, darling of a kitten, although he is a bit shy. He is a tabby. Both are very playful.

I know, I know. In this sluggish economy, cats are dying by the millions as they go unadopted. And Ruby and Minkins are the most unadoptable colors: black and a tabby.

Won't you help me place them?

It's a Wonderful World...Ooooahhh

When I can stay up and read my favorite Jane Austen...You?

The man I love, who loves me, has cancer again. Today is all I have.

The lights have gone out partially on the Christmas tree. So, once again, my tree is half-lit. I will have to wait another month before buying some. The Christmas lights should be on sale at Lowe's by then...

After a torrential rain on Saturday, the air is lovely and cool. It has become a pleasure again to walk Max, the dog. I have, once again, found the path through the field, into the forest. I lost the entrance because of the heat. Which is no small thing, if one is going through menopause...

There are new flowers on the path, some brightly colored, and some pale as water. The crickets sound their late Summer song. It is time for the leaf change. The trees ahead listen to the water, and the earth and the crickets. Max barks a cool, sharp sound. Fall is the sound of eternity.

I can't wait to see the leaves change, and to put the fan in the window, to draw in cool air. The grass is wet this morning, and Max does not like it on his belly.

Stability

After some horrible moments this year, I feel I am entering a time of stability. It's about time, too, as far as I am concerned. I have searched for a good therapist for a while now, and I think I deserve one. I also deserve to be on the other side of this menopause thing...but I am going to have to go with Nature on that one...

I am recontacting people after a period of mania, which is always interesting. The true, die-hard, Alise fans are still there, but some others are not. That works for me.

What doesn't work for me is this period of knuckle dragging after being manic for several months. I have dishes to wash, people to see, a life to enjoy, and cat boxes to empty. But here I am, writing my blog and enjoying some Harry Potter.

Don't get me wrong: I do empty the cat boxes. It's just such a chore now. It does help that I am not drinking.

I have also been withdrawing emotionally from the most important people in my life. It's time to re-open that can and see how much whoop ass emerges.

It's in the ABC's of Growing Up

Here's the day you hoped would never come
Don't feed me violins just run with me
Through rows of speeding cars

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3R0RHNHaU4&list=RDcNQu9rP7xwI&index=3

Ok

The Moment

The moment I said it
The moment I opened my mouth
The lead in your eyelids
bulldozed the life out of me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nt4uKcdMCjc&index=7&list=RDcNQu9rP7xwI

Imogene Heap

Robin

I was devastated by the news, last night, that Robin Williams had taken his own life. I have been where he went: as countless millions with bipolar disorder have. His joie de vivre and gentle nature belied what was happening in his heart...the world is a sadder place.

But what a joyful thing that he lived! What a valiant life!

Did you know, that when Christopher Reeve was paralyzed by his horse riding injury, that Robin Williams, who had gone to acting school with Reeve, paid for his medical care? What kindness, what love for his fellow does that show?

Deep pain does not always bring misery. It can also teach sympathy, compassion, mercy, and love. It can also make us vulnerable to the demons in our heads.

Today, I am proud to be bipolar, with substance abuse problems...because of Robin. His life is a call to action to the rest of us.

I will contemplate his life and gifts today.

Bipolar Babe

I have a new psychologist. This is the best news since I found out the deli will slice bread for you. Particularly now, since I am coming out of mania. I will call her Long Island, after her home. I know, eventually I will have to come up with a better nom de plume, but Long Island will do for now. She is a trauma specialist, and I know I have had enough to fund her, and possibly some future generations.

 I have sunk more money into my own treatment than most countries' gross national product. But since the loss of Ted P., my counselor of many years, I have felt adrift, psychologically speaking. She also wants me to abandon the "Borderline" label, since she feels it's something many trauma victims are libel to be labeled...if I can figure out how to do that on my blog's banner, some changes will be coming.

But, this morning, I feel more hopeful about my MI's (mental illnesses), than I have in a long time, even if I forgot to pick up my meds this morning. So hang on, Folks.