"Let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing." Kahlil Gibran,
Today is a new adventure, for the New Adventurers. For two of them, Pancake and Winston, a new parent waits in the wings. For Shrek and Minkins II, life is a mystery for now. I let them go with so much hope in my heart that they will be adopted by loving parents and enjoy life, as every cat deserves. Please, let it be so!
I woke up at 3 a.m. to let them roam free. They won't have much chance at Angels for that, although they will be well taken care of, and fussed over. I have to remember that.
I want their parents to know that no love has been spared in their upbringing, and I expect no less from them.
Fearful storms rush over, but the dawn is quiet so far. I saw the most enormous black cloud come out of Botetourt County last night, and I looked for the funnel. More rain, and more rain. As someone addicted to water, I am happy. Not about horrible storms, but about the rain.
Water streams from the walls and gathers at the base of the violets. But I visited parts of the small town I live in yesterday, and saw where the rain has washed the sides of the road out.
Winston has turned the most lovely shade of grey, and Shrek's face looks almost Siamese...
I am med compliant this morning, calmer and resigned to their fate. As long as it is a good one...there's the rub. But I have lived without hope, once for a time of several years, and I will tell you that I have a firm grasp on it now, wispy, delicate creature as it is.
Yesterday was therapy day, and it was very good. Then, I had to tell my AA home group about my relapse. Which is difficult, my friends, very hard. But I cannot change the path, and so I set my sails to the wind, and sail on.
There is no light outside today, and I am not one to watch the weather channel on TV. I don't know if storms will happen all weekend, or not. I have never shrunk from gardening in the rain, and will not start now.
On the up side, the unicorn meat eating cats will reign supreme again. These little upstarts have had their day in this household, is what is going on this morning. Access to the unicorn meat will not now be limited due to the rug rats. I will be able to leave a room unattended, as I go about my daily chores. When I return to it, it will be almost the same as I left it. No popcorn carrying kittens will have shattered the cleanliness and order of my home. How empty it will seem!
But we won't part this morning on a note of sadness. I look back on no regrets of 'could I have done better? Could I have given more?' They are a healthy, happy, well socialized litter. Shrek has just leaped off of the dog onto his brother. I drink deeply from the cup I have poured myself this morning, as they settle in for a nap. I remember the Cat Stephens song, "Oh, very young/how will you leave us this time?"
Ratty has gone out into the dawn, he waits as a patient hunter. Pancake looks at me with small, slitty eyes. She alone, will be left in my care today, and I am sure she will sleep with me tonight. The leaves of the maple out back are forever shiny now that they have been washed. One large frog sends his night songs out from the Pond, soon to be a pool, once again. I love grasshopper songs, as well, and know the cicada song will rule the night this summer.
Some time today, the birds will sing, and the flowers will blossom in all their finery and glory. The lawn has been cut as everyone else has cut theirs...part way. I have been promising the flowers that I will plant them for a fragment of time. The dog will wander, searching tonight, for his small salvations. Flowers will bloom in the plots outside, as my lavender grows and blooms. Tomatoes will drink from the ground tonight, and the yellow wildflower may add yet another blossom today.
I surrender today, to a power greater than myself. I stand on the edge of the field, at the forest's beginning. The scent of moss draws me in. I hear the stream rushing in the distance, and I know that the trees wait patiently for me, beside the water. For a moment, I look back across the fields, where the kittens play, and then face the trees, where my service dog, Eddie, waits. A stray breeze shifts the leaves, and they sprinkle the soft, moist earth. Lady Slippers, with their pale, pink perfection, gleam in the dawn. Pine needles present their scent underfoot, and muffle my footsteps. A cool day is dawning, and the horses and Eddie love the cool. The kittens play in the sunlight, behind me. Their purrs reach a crescendo, and drown out the crickets.
This morning, I acknowledge the un-manageability of my life. I ask the power that is, to lend me some grace, to rise above it, today.