Just Wednesday

Today, Silverlock is active as soon as I wake. I do not want to set a bad precedent for her...waking at 3 am, just for the next caregiver who may not wake at 3. However, her cries to join me when I wake are pitiful, and no one can resist them.

It was a lovely fall day again, yesterday. I take joy in writing that sentence, too. The leaves have not even started turning, yet. And yet, it is so obviously autumn. It's the refreshing brisk feel to the wind, and the golden grass among the green. The temper of the field slowly changes to gold, and sky blue. The goldenrod is the color of fall, and the dogwoods are red, now, ahead of the other trees. It brings me happiness just to look at the sky and to smell the wind.

I always feel like a child before the changes of season. I had enough of the happinesses of childhood, that I remember each season, with its own celebration, with joy. The new Mary Janes and white gloves for Easter, the bicycle for summer, and the school days in fall. I was fortunate to have them all. But I must say spring and fall are my favorites.

Some turmoil in my life was the topic of the AA meeting last night, and I feel strengthened today. My prayer and meditation this morning was good, and the coffee is excellent. The water is even better. It is a shame, that a wandering bear is in our small part of town. I cannot tie Maxwell out, in the dark, too late at night, or too early in the morning. He must get his time of freedom in the daytime, and I keep a close eye on him, then, too.

But for now, I do not want to cut or drink.  I am not having drinking dreams, and it has been 2 days since I have had a nightmare. The days are broad, and full of sunshine, and the nights are cool and full of stars, and the waning moon. There is an excitement in the air, at this time of year, that I associate with school. And, believe me, going back to college as an older student, was a resurgence of joy. That has been 13 years ago, now, but I still feel the thrill of it. I look for new adventures in the fall and, if they are not forthcoming, I am sorely disappointed.

But, as I grow older, I learn to accept that everyday is a new adventure, with its own excitement. Sometimes, too much so. But this early in the morning, with the window open to the air, there is enough serenity to go around.