Surprise!

Pancake is now spayed and no different than I can tell. Of course, I neuter or spay all of my animals, and yours too, if I catch them. Just kidding. Maybe.

I have joined an online dating site for fun and amusement, at the urging of a friend.  I tried eHarmony one time, and it lined me up with a guy in Wisconsin that thought the world was at an end, and traded assault rifles for his rent. Does that sound like me after 150 question 'test'?

Now, my "Cup of Coffee" ad is answered by guys with names like Timberwolf, who likes 'muddin'. Seriously? What does "No Nascar fans" mean to you? Extra points for this man, if you are a 'natural' redhead. He will never find out.

I thought I wrote my profile and was specific about being a city dweller, with an education, and a penchant for throwing parties...I know that I marked myself, as the 'Artsy' type. I lean to the liberal side, to say the least, and consider myself as a decent writer and poet.

I do not kill animals for fun or profit. I do not like "'huntin', fishin', drinkin'" beer with the boys' fun activities. I do not ride Harley Davidson motorcycles, or any vehicle that carries the risk of having my arms pulled out of my sockets, or losing a leg to. I will not respond to an ad where the only picture is a chest. No kidding. Unless Alan Rickman is answering my ad, I don't care what the guy does for a living, but make it more interesting than, '3 Guesses.'

I am not traveling to Paw Paw, West Virginia to meet you. My hobbies are not 'snuggling, cuddling, kissing.' The beach or the mountains: make up your mind. The first date will not be a candlelit dinner at my house, believe me.

The first date will be a cup of coffee. I will not be wearing camouflage, or lace. I will have on sensible shoes, for running purposes, if necessary. If he can't find Mill Mountain Coffee & Tea, 'he' is not for me. This is a small town. Odds are, I can find out who is married and who is not.

One guy refused to meet me Downtown because of the "police presence" there. After further questions, he had gotten a DUI in Downtown, "I only had just had 2 beers" and it was a "plot" to trick people into going to jail after they drank and started driving. This guy actually refused to meet anywhere but Lynchburg, where apparently, he wasn't 'wanted.' One man wanted to meet at a hotel, on the outskirts of Roanoke, on his way to Northern Virginia. Just for coffee. Another invited me to be his relief, from a "disastrous 20 year marriage that is exploding." I still can't believe that one.

One guy wanted to 'chat' dirty at 3 AM. One guy told me he 'cleaned up nice.' I will not answer ads where the picture shows the guy with a cat, or his children, unless they are old enough to sign a photo release form. If he drinks, and doesn't have any pets at all, he can keep moving. I don't care if he has tattoos, but don't want to see all of them on the first date.

I don't hang out at Jersey Lily's, on Orange Ave. I don't know or care when Bike Week is. If he is so unknowing, (read: clueless) as to his own personality that he cannot describe his interests, I will feel no 'spark'. And if he is a 'hopeless romantic', i.e. doesn't fart on the first date, I will find out soon enough.

I expect a grown man to wear adult clothes. I'm not picky: he doesn't have to own Valentino...but I don't want to know who the favorite NASCAR driver of the year is, when first meeting him. And don't call me, "Buttercup."

I don't answer ads where the profile picture is of a man who has just stepped out of the shower and is still in the bathroom. I don't answer ads where humor is offered in place of needed information. "LOL" is not a good response to the question, "What is your favorite animal rights organization?"

I think my main problem is: I am not really serious in any of this. I think if HP would like me to have male companionship, HP will provide it. And for every 'country' man, I think someone is out there just waiting to be that 'little girl.'